Military Ethics
Three men are sitting
stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and
the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly
and confidently, in a loud voice, 'Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married,
two sons, both surgeons.'
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped
smile, ' Admiral , United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons,
both Judges.'
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself
With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, ' Master Gunnery Sergeant, United
States Marine Corps, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at
the wheel. 'Your jeep stuck, sir?' asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
'Nope,' replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, 'Yours
is.'
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious
of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman
to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for
your good wishes, sir.' Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the
young enlisted man, he asked, 'What do you want?' 'Nothing important, sir,'
the airman replied, 'I'm just here to hook up your telephone.'
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Officer: 'Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'Sure, buddy.'
Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do
you have change for a dollar?'
Soldier: 'No, SIR!'
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An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were
sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The general shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a whorehouse!' The sergeant turned to his barber and said, 'Go
ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse
smells like.'
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'Well,' snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, 'I suppose
after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die
so you can come and pee on my grave.' 'Not me, Chief!' the seaman replied.
'Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!'
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
'You 'have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Zen, you should
know enough to 'have your passport ready for inspection.'
The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible.
You Americans always 'have to show your passports on arrival in France !'
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find any Frenchmen
to show it to.'